For the past 3 years I was dying to come back to academia. And now I am back. How does it feel like? Well it feels good. But--yes there is a *but*--there are doubts, doubts like what if I fail, what if I end being a stupid trying to follow some inspiration movie instead of being a realist, what if this is not the track where I can best utilise my talent, what if I am too old for this.
It feels good in the sense that I am on the right track on what I always wanted to do. And as I walk this path, I appreciate the difficulty of this path. I never imagined it would be easy. All I am trying to say is that now that I have got what I wanted, all the responsibility of consequences lie on me. If I fail, it is all because of me, if I succeed it is all because my family and friends always backed me up. So any kind of indication that I am not doing well, scares be a bit, for example a bit of screwed up exam, or a partially complete assignment. It is not only academic success that I have to make sure, I should be able to adjust and survive new way of living at a new place. I have find a way to get healthy diet, and stay healthy without wasting a lot of time. I am not complaining, I am just sharing what it feels like to have things your way, even after disagreement from family.
It feels good in the sense that I am on the right track on what I always wanted to do. And as I walk this path, I appreciate the difficulty of this path. I never imagined it would be easy. All I am trying to say is that now that I have got what I wanted, all the responsibility of consequences lie on me. If I fail, it is all because of me, if I succeed it is all because my family and friends always backed me up. So any kind of indication that I am not doing well, scares be a bit, for example a bit of screwed up exam, or a partially complete assignment. It is not only academic success that I have to make sure, I should be able to adjust and survive new way of living at a new place. I have find a way to get healthy diet, and stay healthy without wasting a lot of time. I am not complaining, I am just sharing what it feels like to have things your way, even after disagreement from family.
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