I believe that its a persons actions that define him (or her), rather than his thoughts.
There are many examples that oppose this belief, but most of them assume that thoughts will eventually effect the person's action. For the time being let's focus on the example that forced me to write this blog.
Sometimes I make friends, after considering the purpose that that friendship is going to solve. I had a discussion regarding this with one of my close friends and he was almost devastated by the thought. "How can you do this? ... this is so mean"
Well, consider this blog my defense or whatever.
I believe, once you make someone a friend on purpose, you have not violated any morals. The simple reason: you have done the same actions that you would have done if you would have tried to make him a friend without any purpose.
However, the true test begins when your purpose is solved and the friend needs you. At this time if you try to help your friend with the same ability as you would have helped any other friend, the you are doing good by my moral standards.
PS: Beware, I do make friends just to expand my network, especially among girls.
There are many examples that oppose this belief, but most of them assume that thoughts will eventually effect the person's action. For the time being let's focus on the example that forced me to write this blog.
Sometimes I make friends, after considering the purpose that that friendship is going to solve. I had a discussion regarding this with one of my close friends and he was almost devastated by the thought. "How can you do this? ... this is so mean"
Well, consider this blog my defense or whatever.
I believe, once you make someone a friend on purpose, you have not violated any morals. The simple reason: you have done the same actions that you would have done if you would have tried to make him a friend without any purpose.
However, the true test begins when your purpose is solved and the friend needs you. At this time if you try to help your friend with the same ability as you would have helped any other friend, the you are doing good by my moral standards.
PS: Beware, I do make friends just to expand my network, especially among girls.
Last line of the blog, sums up the purpose for which it was written.
ReplyDeleteAnother food for thought:
Making friendship is a transaction, and it is good to know that you first understand the pros and cons of it. But like any other transaction, its not only you who is involved. You may find solace in the fact that others too have evaluated you on similar criteria and found you useful. Subconsciously, every person evaluates every relationship, not just friendship.
Also your point of helping a friend in need was something your friend would have already taken into account while making you his/her friend.
If someone is still not convinced, think about when you were an infant. How did you make friends. Everybody who played with me were not my friends. Even then there were criterion you would have to fulfill to reach that status like people who shared their ideas, who helped me make my life more enriching in terms of entertainment had higher probability.
Also, looking at it from another perspective, its always a better approach to access friends initially than to be doubtful for the rest of your life because "F.R.I.E.N.D.S are forever"
Rightly said. Purpose is not important, as long as you are playing a fair role in your friendships.Also, only purpose and needs alone don't define friendships. Some may disagree with the statement since, the definition ( of friendship ) itself may be defined on different levels according to different types of people.
ReplyDeleteI think there is always a purpose. Sometimes prominent, sometimes subtle. Even 'expanding your network', 'having fun', 'simply hanging out', etc sorta general stuff are purposes.
ReplyDelete@I Will: are you puneet ?
ReplyDeleteRight there is a plus point in having a purpose, it gives you a motivation to access the other person.
@Chauhan: yes, i've heard that a lot that a friendship is lot more than purpose and need. I would like to hear your definition.
@Siva: i agree. there's always a purpose. purpose is always there whether you want to acknowledge it or not.
>> I would like to hear your definition.
ReplyDeleteMy definition will probably disappoint you.In my dictionary there are no "types" of friendships. Like "true" friends, general friends etc. There are only friends and acquaintances. If you go by "purpose and needs" definition of friendships, acquaintances also feed some purpose. May be you hang out with them, do casual talk, party with them, etc. But friends are those, who are close to your heart. Who will help, whenever you need them. Who will keep you in their hearts and who will meet you with the same enthusiasm, even after you meet them say after a 50 yrs gap with no contact in between. Who will like you for what you are , not what they can make you into. Unfortunately in the initial period of contact, it's difficult for most people to differentiate between the two. Only after a prolonged period of time, you come to know the difference. Hope that helps.
And one more thing. Usually we call all of them friends, since it's the accepted "norm" and many of your "acquaintances" will take offense otherwise. They would think that you are differentiating between them. But you know, the definition of "friendship" goes way deeper for some people. I am one of them :)
ReplyDelete@Chauhan: ur definition didn't dissapoint me. It's good to know other's view point.
ReplyDelete@Chauhan: your view of friendship, is a very prevalent view of friendship. And that form of friendship is considered mystic enough to be un-controllable. "You don't make friends, some people just become friends." I was just trying to decipher, what it takes to become a true friend with everyone.
ReplyDelete>> "You don't make friends, some people just become friends."
ReplyDeleteyes, true. True friends can't be made.
>> what it takes to become a true friend with everyone
That's just not possible. You can't be friends with everyone. If you consider more than 30-40 % people in your friends' circle as true friends, you are more than lucky :)
and btw friends also start as acquaintances only. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, Indeed I am puneet
ReplyDelete